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I started growing out my relaxer midway through college. I can’t remember exactly what prompted me, but I do remember that my hair was so damaged by the chemicals in relaxers, it just made sense.
My mom was no longer the only person touching my hair. I had found a Black salon in Boston, where I attended Emerson College, for touch-ups. I had gotten a bad relaxer job during a weekend trip to London while I was studying abroad in The Netherlands. By the time I got to college, there were a bunch of different people applying the creamy crack.
So, I started growing out my hair, sans a relaxer. I won’t bore you with the specifics, but what you do need to know: I never spent hours on YouTube watching protective style tutorials or hundreds of dollars on products to find the right fit.
Back then, I chalked it up to not having the time. Which was true! In between classes, extracurriculars and eventually moving to NYC, the easiest thing to do was get braids, or a sew-in weave, with the occasional trims to my ends.
However, we make time for the things we want to make time for. Looking back, I am willing to accept that I simply was not interested in investing the time to “figure out” my hair.
As my hair became less relaxed and more natural, I started getting silk-presses again.
Today, although I am relaxer-free, I wear my hair the same way I did growing up. Pin straight, sleek, parted to the side, and sometimes I’ll put some curls in it. I love this style. I think it totally embodies my attitude. Plus, growing up, my beauty icon was Lauren London, who I adored in the movie ATL. I related a lot to her character.
Tyra Banks,Tasha Smith, and Lauren London, actress pose at premier "ATL" after party held at Memphis club and restaurant on March 30, 2006 in Hollywood, California. (Getty Images)
The main difference today? My hair is thicker and grows much faster.
One narrative that remains misunderstood is that if you wear your style straight, it means you don't love your hair. Though rooted in a history of Black women conforming to Eurocentric ideals of beauty, history also shows the strides we've made to reclaim our tresses. The embrace of the afro in the 1960’s went hand in hand with the Black Power movement, and in the 2000’s we saw more artists wearing their natural hair as a form of self acceptance.
Today, as technology and style trends continue to evolve, we know that Black women today wear their hair a variety of ways to express themselves and straight hair does not equal self-hate. Even so, I don’t think this point negates the fact that the path I took to go natural did prevent me from getting to know my hair texture — and learning to fully love it.
During social distancing, I’ve decided to not blow dry or straighten my hair, but use this as a time to give it a “break,” let it air dry, and wear it in protective styles. It’s led me to think about my hair story now, more than ever.
I landed on easy, individual braids without synthetic extensions. Maybe I have not fully accepted myself and my hair if I only feel comfortable wearing it like this inside. This is what I said to myself after I pulled a towel from over my head as I stood staring in the mirror last week. Without the option to make an appointment at my favorite salon, I’m left to my own devices. Which are sparse, considering I have yet to perfect the twist out nor the wash ‘n go.
This time alone is forcing me to accept hard truths about my hair and how I treat it.
It’s forcing me to accept that I do have hair damage from blow drying and flat ironing — but there is a bright side. The heat protectants I use have helped to keep some of my curl pattern intact across the majority of my head.
It’s also forcing me to realize that I need to figure out my go to leave-in conditioner, curl cream and gel that will work with my hair. Even when I do go back to flat ironing, knowing how to control (yes, control) my hair in any state should be a priority to me.
Most of all, self-isolation has forced me to recognize how resilient my hair is — despite everything I’ve put it through.
What is self-isolation forcing you to accept about yourself, and the way you present to the world?
If you want to reply to this email, I’m here to talk.
Thanks for reading,
@darian
This newsletter is edited by Shanae Burch.
A bulletin board of workshops, classes, tutorials, and talks with beauticians. Learn how to submit here.
Thursday, May 7th
· 10 AM PST: Skincare Mixology with Dermalogica on IG live.
Friday, May 8th
· 10 AM PST: The Art of a Beautypreneur: A free series of conversations with industry legends. The lineup is truly amazing. Register here.
🔺 I will be moderating a panel at 1:15 PM PST: The Art of Community.
· 10 AM PST: ‘Ask Dermalogica’ on IG live. Led by a Dermalogica professional skin therapist.
Monday, May 11th
· 11:15 AM - 12 PM PST: Marketing 101 Webinar with Urban Skin Rx and Beautycon Founders. Eventbrite [Zoom info included].
Tuesday, May 12th
· 10 AM PST: ‘Healthy Skin All Over – Body Care’ with Dermalogica on IG live.
Wednesday, May 13th
· 12 PM PST: In goop Health. ‘The Desire Discrepancy’ with psychotherapist and sexuality counselor Ian Kerner. How libido imbalances and conflicts in our relationships can give us a skewed idea of what desire looks like. Streamed on YouTube.
RESOURCES
· Virtual: Pro makeup Keirra Lanice artist has added skincare and makeup consultations to her lineup of services.
· A good, auntie-style tutorial on how to blow dry your hair with salon owner Erinn Danielle
RELIEF FUNDS
· #MayvennStylistStrong: A relief fund for hairstylists. Mayvenn Hair is pledging $100k to the fund.
· Donate or apply: Bonnti’s Beauty Relief Fund
· Donate Beauty: A donation project started by editors and writers to get products, like moisturizers and face masks, in the hands of healthcare workers.